I was bullied when I was in eighth grade, and thank God I was.
2017
I had just moved to a new town, a new junior high, a new band program, a new life. I had braces, frizzy hair, lack of style, and a nerdy obsession with all forms of music (some things never change).
There was a small group of girls in my class that ended up teaching me so much. Some had braces, some had frizzy hair, some had a lack of style, and all of them had a nerdy obsession with all forms of music. We all were, after all, junior high girls.
I met these girls while in the school’s musical, and their hatred of me was immediately obvious. They glared at me, whispered behind my back, spread rumors about me, and labeled me weird and annoying.
(And you know what? I was a weird theatre kid and pretty annoying about it. But still… you shouldn’t say those kinds of things about people, especially within earshot.)
One day—after the bullying had pushed me to tears and made me beg my parents to move back to our old town—I got some advice:
“Caroline, they are junior high girls. They are wonderful practice for you since there are people that will always be junior high girls.”
I remember agreeing in the moment but not fully understanding what was meant until much later.
There are people out there—men and women—who will grow up and continue to be mean. They will be cruel instead of honest. They will bad-mouth instead of confront. They will hurt feelings with no remorse and call it humor or honesty or just “telling it like it is.”
2026
I hate to say it, but I have had my junior-high-girl moments.
And I cannot write an entire essay about kindness, forgiveness, and cruelty without calling out myself.
A sorority sister said something mean about someone. I found myself agreeing with her, nodding along, enjoying the laughter and the easy connection that comes from having a common enemy. I make jokes at the expense of someone else. How was I to know that I would later become friends with that person while taking a class with them?
I have caught someone up on drama, not hesitating to use harsh language while assuming the worst of someone else’s intentions. I have ranted and ranted, painting myself as patient and reasonable and them as difficult. How was I to know that I would feel terrible about it later?
I have leaned into assumptions about other people because it was easier than considering their current battles, their current stories, their current life. I have used words like flaky, dramatic, intimidating, or rude about others. How was I to know that I didn’t have the whole picture?
I have had my moments of junior-high-girl cruelty (some moments more recent than I care to admit), and I am sickly ashamed of it.
Catch yourself
And yet… I was bullied when I was in eighth grade, and thank God I was.
So I know how horrible it feels to find someone saying awful things behind your back. I know what it feels like to walk into a room and wonder who already decided who you were before you opened your mouth. I know how utterly pointless it is to be cruel instead of honest.
And I like that those experiences have shown me the importance of not acting like a mean junior high girl most of the time. Have your moments (we all do), but catch yourself. Hold yourself accountable.
Honesty vs. cruelty
Because you know what? Those junior high girls back in 2017 were right… I can be annoying.
But there is a difference between being honest (telling someone that they frustrate you when ____) and being cruel (talking behind their back or being rude to them). In my opinion:
- When you are honest, you approach something with kindness and a hope to strengthen a relationship or fix a problem.
- When you are cruel, you are unkind to someone when they annoy you (like junior high girls do).
Don’t be mean like a junior high girl.
I am not perfect, and I’m sorry if a junior-high-girl moment of mine has impacted your life. But, overall, I’m glad that I understand the importance of checking yourself and staying kind throughout jealousy, frustration, or anger. I’m glad that I’ve experienced the receiving end of unkindness so I understand how valuable love is.
Call me weird. Call me annoying. Call me sensitive, I don’t mind. I will mind when someone considers me mean.
As always, be gritty. Stay graceful.
