It’s a famous tale: Amy became so frustrated with her older sister’s teasing that she decided she’d make her pay.
Without thought or hesitation, she snatched up Jo March’s precious manuscripts and lit them on fire. She watched the angry, devastated fire within her come to life upon the pages, destroying the words Jo had worked so hard to capture.
It’s a famous moment in Little Women for a reason. Chapter 8: “Jo Meets Apollyon” tells a tale that is so heartbreaking, relatable, and raw.
Whether you think Jo deserved it or not, you have to admit that it would have sucked to be Amy. She was so jealous (something I think we can all relate to) and committed an unkind, irreversible act when manipulated by it.
I want, I want, I want…
Like the rest of the human race, there are things I have wanted, including (but not limited to):
- “I want to get fit and have my dream body.
- I want to have a boyfriend.
- I want to have perfect grades.
- I want to read a bajillion books a year.
- I want to have cute clothes.
- I want a leadership position in my extracurriculars.
- I want an impressive job.
- I want to be well-versed and produce quality writing.
- I want to travel all over the world.”
And even things outside of my control, including (but not limited to):
- “I want to be desired by men.
- I want my friends to like me.
- I want to appear smart to others.
- I want people to think I was pretty.
- I want my professors to appreciate my hard work.
- I want a ring size that’s less than an 8.
- I want to be admired by my impressive job (which I haven’t gotten yet).
- I desperately want to be someone’s first choice.”
And honestly… I already have a lot of what I want. I am mostly content with my life, and I am a confident person. But, of course, there are still people who have things that I don’t.
Jealousy is inevitable
Within myself, I have noticed that jealousy often starts quietly. Sometimes it comes from the perfectly curated Pinterest boards I love to look through, full of dream apartments or outfits or bodies that didn’t belong to me.
Or it started by scrolling through a friend’s vacation photos on Instagram or an internship announcement on LinkedIn or a Tik Tok of a handsome couple, dancing along to a sickly-sweet romantic song from the 50s.
However, I also know that…
There will always be people who have things that you don’t have.
There will always be someone who one a step ahead academically, socially, romantically, and/or professionally. Someone will get the job first, the perfect relationship first, the “glow up” first.
But, in my opinion, experiencing jealousy is signal to listen to, not a character flaw. It’s a huge sign with Broadway-style lights pointing you in the right direction. Your jealously tells you what matters to you, even when it feels uncomfortable.
So no… jealousy does not make you a bad person. But what you do with your jealousy shows off your character. And being mean in the name of jealously is what’s unacceptable.
Be jealous, not unkind
It is easy to dive into the hot, depressing feeling of jealousy. To get used to its depths and allow it to flood your mind and heart. I’ve found myself trapped by it, letting it suck me in.
It’s so, incredibly tempting to let it become a reason to withdraw, gossip, criticize, or quietly resent the people closest to us, and often people turn their envy into tiny acts of sabotage toward themselves or others.
But jealously does not give anyone permission to become cruel.
There is a difference between:
- Wanting what someone else has.
- Wanting to undermine their happiness because you don’t have it.
#1 is human and normal. #2 is cowardly and mean.
I know, I know. It is so hard to be jealous and kind. But that’s what kind people are good at. They can see something they want and still choose to be a loving person.
Meeting Apollyon
Louisa May Alcott—the beloved author of Little Women—titles the eighth chapter of her most famous book “Jo Meets Apollyon.”
Apolloyon means “destroyer” or even “bottomless pit of hell,” and jealously can sure feel that way. If left unchecked, it can destroy relationships, ruin self-esteem, and tarnish personal and professional goals.
We meet our own Apollyon every time we face the thing we most want and watch someone else get there first. That’s hard to watch and endure.
Being jealous and gritty
When there is something you want, control the controllables. Consider what you can achieve in your own life, and go be gritty. Replace all your “why them?”s with “how can I healthily get there?” Stop measuring yourself against someone else’s timeline and start designing your own.
Be inspired by the people you are jealous of.
Let their accomplishments prove that the thing you want is possible. What did they do? How did they work for what you want? What are the things you can start doing today?
Being jealous and graceful
When you are drowning in jealousy, give everyone—including yourself—some grace. Remember that everyone is fearfully, wonderfully human and surviving their own storms.
In addition to Little Women, Louisa May Alcott once wrote:
Jealousy might feel like one of those storms that Louisa is referencing. It can be loud, overwhelming, and unpredictable. However, our storms are where we learn more about ourselves and become better people.
Like a sailor, we have to find ways to navigate and steady ourselves in our storms. And (not to be sappy, but) that is when you choose kindness… even when it’s hard.
Because there is no way to calm your own storms by burning someone else’s manuscript pages.
As always, be gritty. Stay graceful.
